So- as far as my progress goes- it’s still up in the air. I am still dealing with the VA to get disability benefits and have not heard from them since I told them to change my address to NC. They have sent letters saying “no further action is needed.” I say Bull****!!! Maybe around Christmas I will see some of that money if they decide I am disabled.
I have several positions I have applied for that are still going through their process. I have applied for positions at Ally, LN, Allstate, etc. I do have an interview tomorrow for a paralegal position that would be great. I have done some research on them and they seem reputable. Hopefully it will give me a direction to go so I can stop the search and start having a direction. It feels different that I have options. I can say no and then do my work at home stuff and put my precious baby in day care for a little while during the day and trade off with the husband to get more hours. I will miss my baby girl but I need something to use my brain with. Hopefully if I work on the CF stuff we can get ahead financially in a few more months. I am not as confident that I will have secured a position by the end of the month but being on unemployment helps with the bills.
The husband wants to visit the beach next month and it would be nice to recharge and show the baby the ocean. The in-laws are anxious to see her and the MIL calls almost every day to check on her status. So we may have to plan a trip to see them next month also.
I missed my baby cousin’s wedding and I am sad about it but at the same time I would still feel disappointment going there I think. And we can’t afford the plane tickets or to be away from work for the drive. Basically most of my family won’t see my baby girl until she is almost 1 on Thanksgiving. They didn’t make the effort to see us for the 4 years that we were less than 10 hours away from us so I am not really feeling guilty. It’s sad for them that they are missing out on the baby’s milestones. She is getting so big and doing so many things. I am completely in love with her. She is a good baby.
I think sometimes that I need to kiss my husband, baby, and dog more so they know that even when I am preoccupied and restless with life that I still love them to death and that they are my rocks. I have so much hope for my daughter and I don’t want to mess up because of her. She makes me want to be a better person- more successful so she is provided for, more loving so she knows that I am here for her, and someone that will truly be there for her no matter what and I am trying to learn to be a person that she looks up to and that she can rely on and I want to be something more for her.
And my dog makes me want to cry sometimes. He follows me around without question, is the most loyal being I have ever met, is a true friend when I need a hug or support, and was super protective when I was pregnant, vulnerable, and sick. I always wanted a best friend that was mine- and no one else’s. I didn’t think it would have been a dog- but he is beyond words a best friend and teaches me about friendship every day. When I count my blessings and thank God- he is blessed and thanked for along with my family.
I love my husband to death and he feels like an actual part of me. I fight with him, get frustrated, and even contemplate breaking it off but it would be like cutting out my heart. He drives me crazy sometimes though. I wouldn’t care as much if I didn’t love him like no other. With anyone else I would be indifferent or not care as much- with him it gets to me and affects me even on a physical level. It physically affects me when we have to be separated from each other for more than a day. I didn’t think I would love someone this much and still be intrigued by his different facets even after 5 years of marriage. He amazes me sometimes with how much he loves me and how great he is with our daughter. I knew he would be good with babies because he is very loving and he is as in love with our daughter as I am, but he can still surprise me by what he says about her and how he is with her.
I gues the thing that I am not really satisfied with is my family- mom, brothers, cousins, etc.